Yesterday I went on a walk and I discovered a few things. I have been regretting being obedient in something a couple of year ago. Sincerely I believe that it was God speaking to me at the time, and I thought my obedience would bring about a favourable result soon after; but it’s been years since then. It’s something that I reference from time to time in my heart, how I feel like my obedience bore no fruit, that I wish I had just done the opposite to what he instructed.
I’m amazed at how I hear many people speak of being obedient to God’s voice and they see immediate results from it. I wonder how they tap into that well of blessing to receive immediately after obeying. I rarely see the fruit of my obedience so quickly. This thing I obeyed in has been weighing on me, heavier lately than before. I didn’t ask God why I didn’t see fruit of it quicker, but today after hearing someone express what their obedience wrought from God, I’m wondering why I don’t see the same thing.
The easier assumption is that perhaps it’s not from God. But I don’t want to waste time with that thought. My disobedience is apt to bring a quicker response than my obedience. I don’t know if I have any feeling about it right now. I wasn’t expecting to express this thought when I sat down to write this.
Am I looking for immediate satisfaction? If I were I would’ve given up this Christian walk a long time ago. I don’t follow or believe in God for gratification. When the word tells you that the just shall live by faith, any and all desire for immediate gratification is suspended. But I still said yes despite that. But as I’m saying, you do right and some of us don’t receive instant reward. You only have faith to keep you going. It’s like a delayed gratification that you experience after the moment passes and it’s like you are to extract wisdom from it, and that wisdom is to satisfy you, not necessarily the fulfillment of the thing itself, even though that thing is satisfying too. Does that make sense?
I don’t think I’m doing something wrong, per se, but I suppose it’s territory that I have to overcome mentally, emotionally. It won’t change how I worship or pray. Perhaps it’s just one of those things that distinguishes us in this body. His faithfulness is still the same even though it’s expressed differently with each person. Our battles in life are different because some of us our foundations were destroyed and if not for God, we’d never had stood a chance.
I read something that I wrote in 2017 about conquering battles so that my generations would not have to. I didn’t fully comprehend what I was saying; as I read it, I realized that I assumed it was a matter of changing mindset, and letting certain things go, and being disciplined in life, etc. But it’s been a lot more complicated and more spiritual than that. But I’m amazed that I understood that there was something that I had to overcome that my generations will not inherit. So, I suppose because of these wretched cards that I was dealt, I have to battle a bit differently.
Nevertheless, my victory lies in the fact that I am already a conqueror. God has already given me victory in these battles of life. The end result of my victory has been decided, and I have to believe that, and ensure that I reinforce that victory. Because one thing I’ve learned, is that you can have good things prepared for you, but if you don’t fight for what is yours, either someone will take it, destroy it, or it’ll just sit there collecting dust. People lie, slander, steal, kill, and do all sorts of things for lesser items, so for your destiny in God, you have to reinforce what God says. You can destroy something precious to you because you’ve been lied to. Manipulated. Deceived. Did Othello not get manipulated and end up killing his own wife?
I’ve digressed, but I believe that none of what I am doing, and have done in God is in vain. People are vain. Our hearts are vain. As long as I remain in the Rock, there’s nothing that I’m doing that’s wasted. My obedience has not been in vain. It’s been drawing me closer to the victory awaiting me.
