I was going to say it’s crazy that sometimes you can trust a stranger more than you can trust the people around you. But that’s not everyone’s story. I think some of us are good at picking our tribe, and some of us God was especially gracious to us in that area. The rest, you have to do the best that you can with the wisdom you have. There’s somewhere that I want to go with that thought but maybe I’ll leave it for another day. Or maybe I’ll double back, we’ll see.
I was speaking with my French teacher today, and in the midst of my broken French, I was explaining some life things/challenges, and trying to not share too much, but oversharing nonetheless because it feels nice to speak to someone about life without having to second guess if I’ll regret it later. And as we were talking, I took from it that everyone has many things on their plates, and sometimes it’s not everything that gets done. Some people have the privilege of having help, or having someone take some things off their plates, and it’s not a big deal if one can’t fulfill all the obligations to 100% perfection alone. At some point, people will crash; at some point, decisions will be made that in the long run, do not make sense. The human body can only withstand so much pressure. I’d mentioned I admired her and her ambition and that despite challenges, she was where she was, and it led to that conversation, and much more was said.
All that to say, I suppose you can’t look at people’s lives and compare the worst parts of yours with their best parts, or the worst parts of your life with the parts that you admire about their lives. Comparison is the thief of joy. We all pass through some terrible valleys of life, and I suppose we have to learn to endure. You have to be resilient and find a way to be comforted as you traverse those roads. And one of the hardest parts which I can relate to is to keep yourself untainted by it. You have to guard yourself the best that you can. And you have to take care of your body and your mind because even in the worst situations our minds can be triggered to a point of no return. All that is happening is not by accident. It’s by intention. So, if you are not intentional with how to protect your soul, it can cause irreparable harm.
I was lamenting that for some reason the past almost 2 weeks language learning has been a challenge, and I’ve been asking myself all sorts of questions, but these are humps that I’ve experienced and overcome throughout the year. I can’t succumb to it. I have to keep going. Anyway, I like that I have an avenue of learning that’s pushing me to also look at myself in a new light. And all that I’m experiencing, I think it feels like what’s happening in the world right now, to some degree. You are not at the decision table so it’s like human beings are just doing whatever they like and you’re stuck with the results. But I think if you can control how you perceive the chaos, and think about what you can gain from it, you can withstand the onslaught, and come out of it unscathed.
I think I’ve been lulled into this strange place of thinking that I can’t be selfish with my life. I mean, if you can’t put on the oxygen mask first, you can’t help the person beside you if they are struggling too. I suppose if the whole plane was to come down it wouldn’t make a difference, but whilst you’re still alive, whilst you still believe that you will live and not die, you can do what you can. And pray that God will see you through it.
