neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:39
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For whatever reason I was thinking about one lady I encountered some years ago who, after finding out that I am Christian, said she doesn’t believe because she considers Christians hypocrites. She shared that growing up she was forced to be in church every Sunday, yet her alcoholic father would be drunk Monday to Saturday and was very abusive. She left the house at 16 because she couldn’t endure the abuse on the family any longer.
And I understand this sentiment, I sincerely do. I understand how people model Christ, or claim to believe in Christ yet their actions are far removed from him can cause you to despise God. And for a long while it made me distrust God, despite wanting to trust him wholeheartedly. And I think for the longest while it made me into a rigid person in some respects because I want to be perfect in how I display Christ, but I realize I can’t put that pressure on myself.
I made a choice at the end of the day to see what was true. And human weakness and imperfection aside, I’ve discovered that a lot of us, if not all, cannot comprehend the love that Jesus has for us. We can’t comprehend it, and we often can’t accept it, and so we believe incorrectly, and make decisions that are contrary to his nature. I just recently heard someone say the covenant of life supersedes the covenant of marriage, and they were alluding to people in abusive relationships and how they don’t leave due to fear. And if they understood the love that God had for them the first day of that abuse would have been the last day (my paraphrase). But it’s not just abuse, you know. It’s friendships, it’s jobs, it’s career, it’s our day to day lives, our interactions. It’s how we think, and how we live, where we choose to go, what we eat, etc.
His love for us is not to do us harm. His harm doesn’t manipulate, it doesn’t coerce, it doesn’t deceive. It doesn’t confuse. It glories in the truth; it corrects, it comforts, it removes falsehood. It brings peace. Clarity. It affirms us and reminds us of our wholeness, of our value and worth. Perfect love casts out fear.
If you pay attention to how some people talk, the love they are offering is based on what you are willing to do for them. If you do X then I will love you. If you only do what I tell you then I will love you. Perhaps it’s a form of love, but it’s not perfect love. Because that type of love generates fear. Because if you fail, a benefit of their love, of their patronage will be withdrawn.
We’ve only ever known an imperfect kind of love and cannot be fully comfortable in the perfect love of God because it feels unrealistic. Perhaps we can accept it, but we can’t maneuver our lives through it, because those around us are not operating according to that perfect love, particularly those in Christ.
To walk in his perfect love means that there are people, places and things I would not accept or tolerate. Not because he has told me not to, but when you recognize who you are, the way that you move will offend others. And that can be alienating. And so rather than risk being separate or risk hardship, the love that’s rarely filtered by the word, the love that is transactional, is harmful, is manipulative and deceptive, and opens our gates of fear is what we opt for. And in order to swallow its acrid taste, we decide that those who are dishing it are well-meaning.
I, admittedly, don’t portray Christ’s love well either. I recognize that I hear of his love, I read it, but I haven’t allowed myself to fully, unashamedly embrace it. I taste it from time to time, I think, but I’d like to challenge myself to walk in it: in my business, in my home, in my faith, my community. I want to get off of this wheel of sorrowing over people and let God’s love be enough. And I think if his love is enough, a loss won’t necessarily be a loss, but a gain of freedom, of independence. A removal of baggage. Accepting God’s love means the truth will flow easier as time goes on, because actions and words are not done and said out of coercion, or compulsion or fear. We’re not moved by how someone will react. We are not telling our version of the truth to sway someone’s decision. We’re telling them the truth so that they can make the decision, and whichever decision they make will not leave us irreparably damaged. It’s natural to feel disappointed, let down, or hurt. But it isn’t going to turn us into villains.
We need to know the love of God. Because we do not know this love, we are harming ourselves and others. Our fear of man is destroying the field of blessing that God has prepared for us. Our fear of people is keeping our gifts and talents locked up. Our people pleasing is causing us to surrender the best of what God has – because we are unwilling to enquire of him or believe him when he speaks. We’re not fully convinced of his love; and it’s often only in desperate times, when not even the voice of our loved ones, and well-meaning associates can pull us out of depths of crushing despair that we can receive it. But it’s not supposed to be like that.
