Great is your love toward me, your faithfulness endures forever
Ps. 117:2
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I don’t have anything to write. I woke up at 5am wondering what it is that I will post today. I sat for 45 minutes and could not think of a single thing. And I told myself that I wasn’t going to make a post for today. But here we are.
It’s my birthday week, and I’m glad to be 33 years old. I feel that emotionally, 33 feels better than the previous birthdays. Perhaps because I have liberty, I feel it, and I’m attempting to realign myself in Jesus like before. I’m also, in a way, retracing my steps to walk in liberty as I once did before. Liberty in the faithfulness of God. I’ve mentioned it before, but sincerely, when you’re in Christ, as challenging as life is, there’s a weightlessness that you feel. I’ve felt it more than once, and I want that back. I think it was buttressed by trust, that certainty that He won’t harm me.
Last night, I randomly thought about how there was a period where I knew when something would happen before it happened. And I could plan my day or week in accordance with that. It has happened here and there, but not to the same degree. And I realize that my intimacy with God was intentional at some point. Returning to that feels a bit awkward because I feel embarrassed, like hey God, it’s me again. I mean intimacy as in spending time. When the year began, I certainly felt that I’m no longer in that spot of wanting something from God, that I can just enjoy God, but I underestimated that I must guard my heart to maintain this sort of peace.
Nevertheless, God has been gracious to me this week. This birthday is the first in my memory where I felt God personally ministering to me. The peace that I received, the care, the love I felt from His words is something I’m still pondering on. He revealed something to me that I want to sincerely commit to because in this I think my relationship with Him and with myself will improve. And I think in it, I’ll become a better steward of my life.
Is it strange to think that sometimes I forget that God is kind? That the Holy Spirit is gentle? I feel like I was sitting under a cool shade with a gentle breeze flowing over me. I felt rested, restored.
Life isn’t easy y’all. But this birthday I am experiencing God’s healing, God’s restoration; I’m comforted. He is incredibly merciful and so, so kind. God is kind. God is kind. If you do not experience kindness from human beings, know that God is kind.
