Then Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned. I violated the Lord’s command and your instructions. I was afraid of the men and so I gave in to them.
1Samuel15:24
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I’ve taken for granted the power that people pleasing has; of how it swallows confidence and spews doubt like a burst dam, so that it becomes natural to filter your life through the opinion of another human being; God’s conviction is weighed against the opinion of man and is often disregarded, and your own needs are released into the custody of fear and doubt, to be infantilized.
Those in Christ, we are encouraged to build a relationship with Christ, but when the strength of that relationship, and its validity is questioned, what do you do?
The natural answer is to say: “do what God is telling you.” But amidst a multitude going against you, it’s easier said than done. We find ourselves playing the referee, scrambling and contorting ourselves to manage God’s expectations and people’s expectations/demands.
But it’s really that simple: do what God is telling you.
The scripture says that you must put on the full armour of God so that you can stand your ground; and after you’ve done everything, to stand. Until recently I never understood why that last portion was added; that after standing your ground, you must stand. To me, it goes without saying. But now, I understand that after standing your ground, you can fall. You can end up buckling, giving in, giving up, surrendering. You can become battle-weary and decide that walking alone presents far too great a challenge than surrendering support. You don’t want to lose favour, or support, or reputation or access to whatever benefits you had because you believe you need these things from those holding you prisoner. You decide that “God will understand.” But God says: “obedience is better than sacrifice.”
There was a decision that I wanted to make once upon a time, but as I was recently reflecting on it, I admitted to myself that I didn’t make it because I was afraid what people would say. And the Spirit of God confirmed that. I feared people more than I wanted to obey God, but it didn’t feel or seem like disobedience. At face value it made “sense.”
The things that God says for us to do, not our emotions, thoughts, reasonings, but that which he says, or which he inspires was not and is not a group project. God doesn’t consult me when he wants to move in someone’s life; so how can I decide that what God has said to that person is wrong, not the right time, not the right thing, etc? I’m not talking about choosing to ignore prophecy or words from his servants; I’m talking about when God says go left-ish, or an entirely different direction because you’re afraid of how you’ll be perceived, or making this person and that person upset.
So, what do you do?
We’ve learned the art of pretense, of seemingly obeying but not really; making sure we sort of follow God but also please people at the same time. And like Saul, when in violation, we are sort of repentant and hope that God forgives and moves on. But it’s a grievous error, I’m recognizing. We have to untrain ourselves from this way of living.
I think we are obedient when it’s easy; however, when we stand to lose favour, accolades, reputation, love, or a person’s/peoples’ respect or patronage, we play the referee, or compromise, but end up being the loser. The person whom you submit to can say it wasn’t by force, the decision was yours; God stands on what he instructed you, so all you have is your disobedience, loss, and wretched feelings to show for it.
We must believe that whatever loss we are threatened with, God can restore. Whatever is being threatened to be withdrawn, be it money, love, favour, resources, or support, we have to be fully convinced that God can restore these things. We must trust and believe this nature of God, and believe human beings are not more powerful than God. But to be fully convinced of this, our relationship with God must be built up. A person who puts on armour for a fight that he has decided he will lose won’t stand. His armour may be strong enough to withstand, but he will unceremoniously change his mind. We are swayed into disobedience all day long, and not even by strangers. Our thoughts, emotions, experiences can do this too.
The best of what God is promising must be more valuable than what someone else is offering or suggesting. This one is challenging, but I think we ought to value His word, decide that it’s worth the sacrifice, it’s worth enduring for and worth following. The word has to be worth following for its own sake, not because it makes sense. The alternative may seem just as praiseworthy, just as palatable, but always understand that it is not the same. Qualifying words mean something, they are not decoration. If something tastes like an egg, an egg and that thing are still not the same. This can have profound, life-long implications depending on what decisions you’re making that may or may not be in God’s perfect will.
We must be willing to give up control. God’s ways don’t always make sense; his thoughts can’t be placed in a box and rationalized. Accept that there’s no box that can fit his thoughts; accept that his creativity is unmatched and beyond comprehension; and just as we celebrate human beings for taking ordinary material into extraordinary technology, God is the same, but on a grander scale. You can’t be at the helm of the ship when He is present. He is the type to sleep soundly whilst waves are threatening to capsize and destroy the ship yet still maintains full control. You can’t always comprehend the how, neither the why.
We can’t manufacture the perfect circumstances, the perfect life, the perfect path to achieve things. Sometimes God adds or allows a little razzle dazzle so no man can boast about anything.
Our lives are far too precious for us to be bound by people pleasing. It doesn’t glorify God. It exalts fear; it makes idols out of mere men; it chokes our faith, and without faith it is impossible to please God.
The word of God is spirit and life. We can’t keep snuffing out the spirit and aborting the life of the word because we are afraid of how we are perceived or will be perceived. No matter how powerful, how influential, how well connected; no matter if it’s family, friend, colleague, news report, etc.; if God gives an instruction, none of these things ought to be given power to cause you to disobey. Anything that a person has here on earth was given to them, so no one ought to boast in anything as though they are the source of what they possess.
We can’t keep falling into manipulation of what a person will take or will do or ruminate on what they will do. Disobedience is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. I, myself, forget how grievous these things are. The thing about it is, sometimes you feel that what you are doing is still good, or makes more sense, but you are offering the sacrifice of fools, and you don’t know that what you are doing is evil. Being rejected by people hurts; yes. And when they question you hearing from God, or debate whether God would say x or y, it can feel like you’re the loser in the battle. But that’s why in all things we ought to ask God for help, for understanding, for clarity, that our eyes and ears are opened, so that we are not coerced into debating a blueprint that God hasn’t even provided for the situation.
May God make us strong and very courageous in this life. May He help us fortify our lives as we work on our salvation. May He help us know him and be confident in what we know of Him. May He help us filter our lives through the word and not through the fear of man.
