/Flora Lewis/
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I’m amazed by people who can speak multiple languages. I suppose in a way, when I was a lot more fluent in my own language, whilst being fluent in English, it didn’t occur to me that I was bilingual. I suppose over the years because I think, speak, write and read in English, personally, I thought learning another language would make me bilingual, because my mother tongue is (now)far removed from me. I don’t know if I feel any way about it. During one of my language sessions a while back, my mandarin teacher said she has a lot of Chinese students who are learning Chinese. And I thought that was remarkable because Chinese folks, in passing, are always used as examples of a people who are proud their culture, heritage, and teach their kids their language. And woe to us the generations who don’t learn our own, and blah blah blah.
I don’t feel troubled that I’ve forgotten a lot. In the presence of other Africans who are patriotic, or Africans that take pride in culture, I have to separate myself from that awkward feeling of not being overly (or at all) patriotic, and be honest with myself: that I don’t particularly feel desire to be connected in that regard. It’s a slippery slope because I don’t want to have regrets in the future, although I don’t know what other future I’m looking at. When I think of the future, it feels more like tomorrow, rather than 10-20 years from now. Anyway, when I think of my tomorrow, what I see, and what I perceive as general expectations by “society” and how I ought to embody culture, heritage and being a foreigner in a foreign land that has now become my home has changed. I think that change began many years ago without my notice; and I’m choosing a path that I envisioned.
I’m skirting around the why of my chosen path, only because it would require for me to go down rabbit hole of sorts; but I will say that one has to take up what God has redeemed, pick up their cross and move in a new direction. I’ve always sensed that this was the direction that I would personally take, although I never understood why. However, in the past little while I see that the experience is feeling like Abraham’s own calling to leave and go to the land God is showing me. And by that I don’t mean I’m packing my bags to Asia; but that I have to learn a new language in this kingdom for the life that God ordained for me.
What language learning is showing me is that in order to become fluent one must be consistent. When I think about it in relation to my faith, I see how a similar thing is true: You must be consistent to be fluent in the word of God. Studying a little a time, listening, building myself up in it will help build me up in the language of the kingdom. When I don’t study, when I make excuses for myself, when I don’t guard my time to practice or to learn, I notice how much I’ve regressed during class. And before you know it, time passes and you wonder why you haven’t made progress. Time is unkind, but it does reveal the truth. Your lack of effort. Lack of discipline. Lack of consistency. It’s convicting, even as I write this.
But I digress. I don’t think one’s language doesn’t matter. Language is very important; it connects you to a people, is an identifying marker, and it’s power. In room full of people speaking multiple languages, those who can speak English are powerful. They’re distinct. They have access, influence. Moreover, whenever one can speak the language of the majority, it’s advantageous. You’re not left out. Because for sure, whether consciously or unconsciously, there are people, in family, friend groups, workplaces that use their spoken language to exclude, for no other reason than to exert a certain power. Of making sure that you don’t forget that you’re an outsider. But it also connects you to people as priorly stated; and gives you a distinction that you can celebrate and share with others.
I don’t want to take a plunge into deeper waters regarding this, as I’d have to start looking into academic journals and provide citations.
As I said, I marvel at people who can speak multiple languages. I’ve taken for granted the challenges of training yourself anew; of having to think differently; and of how comfortable it is to run back to what’s familiar, because learning something new is daunting and intimidating and unnatural. Especially in regards to my faith. Because the language of the kingdom is contrary to the knowledge, education, and rational of the material world that I’m used to. How I think, and feel and see has to completely transform. Similarly, what one know has to be laid aside to take up what is new. Grammatical rules that are natural have to be laid aside to make fact something with which one is unfamiliar. And it can be awkward; and sometimes you want to use the rules that you are familiar with in a new language but it doesn’t make sense. You have to conform to a new pattern, a new set of rules, a new way of thinking.
I have to be comfortable with the discomfort. Because although it doesn’t feel right, I trust that it is correct. I trust that implementing new rules will bring me to fluency in the same way that others have become fluent.
Nevertheless, I’m committed to learning, and enjoying the journey, and unearthing deeper mysteries in my faith; and also discover whatever it is I’m hoping to find in regards to language, culture, and identity.
