There’s a Kdrama that I’ve just finished watching, where the Crown Prince is isolated; he cannot trust anyone and he questions everything that he hears. Long story short, he is working with a woman who, disguised like one of his eunuch’s, is fighting to clear her name after being accused of killing her family; and knowing this, he decided [and promised] to trust and help her. However, certain evidence is found that causes him to mistrust her original story, and though she insists on her innocence, he banishes her from his court. Later on, he comes back to her to apologize because, not only does he realize he needs her, but that he has to honour his word. What’s interesting is that, unbeknownst to him at the time, if he had maintained his distance from this woman who is helping him figure out the mystery of who is attempting to control him through the bizarre supernatural activities happening around him, his enemies would surely destroy him.
The misunderstanding that ensued because of lack of trust made me reflect on how certain evidence sways us to mistrust God. We are easily manipulated by half-truths, or full-blown lies. The opposite of what God says happens, or we hear a negative report, or someone says something contrary to what he says, and immediately we determine that God is a liar. So, I asked myself: If I trust Him, why am I too quick to be shaken? Why am I quick to assume that He is wrong, that He let me down? Why do I allow the word that he speaks from his mouth to be overshadowed by the word of flesh and blood?
Because deep down, I believe He will let me down. I’m still afraid that He will let me down, and I remember all those times that he said yes, and the no seemed to have swallowed up his word. When he said yes to something, and the opposite happened and there hasn’t been a recompense since.
But can I sincerely say He has let me down?
Certainly, things haven’t gone the way that I expected them to, and because of that I [have] felt let down. My mind begins to wonder, and I question in my heart if I heard correctly. And if I heard correctly, does the lack of manifestation mean I did something wrong? Did I pray enough, fast enough, serve enough, sacrifice enough? Could I, should I have done more? How much more would have been enough?
What is it that I mean when I say to God, “I trust you?” Do I mean that as long as things go my way, I’ll trust? Do I mean that even if disaster happens, I’m not casting you away? Even if things go right, I won’t leave? What is trust?
Trust: firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something.
If that’s the case, even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, do I believe he has the ability and strength to see me out? If he says, “let us go to the other side” and on our way, a storm emerges, will I still trust that we will make it to the other side? If the yes has tarried many years in manifesting, do I trust that it is still a yes and it will come to pass?
Do I consider him faithful that made the promise?
Do I see God as good, or is He only good when I’m satisfied?
I’ve certainly rejected God and felt a deep disappointment when things didn’t work out, when He said one thing, and another happened; when He said go left, and there was literally nothing there and I felt so foolish and regretful; when He said no, and I shouldered the consequence of it alone.
One, then, can understand why the trust keeps swinging from right to left, and always shifting. And I hate that, because how do you grow strong if your trust is always shifting based on the circumstances? The relationship will never be stable. I want a relationship that stands despite the force of the wind, not one that is dependent on the strength of the wind.
As the days have turned to years, I see that trusting in God means more when everything is going wrong.
It tests the anchor on which your trust is built. Is your trust based on your emotions? His word? Your own abilities? Is it based on what you know about God? Is it based on getting your own way? What is your belief about who God is in general and in the situation?
It tests your belief. Do you believe in what God says, or is your trust one of convenience of ease; that when things make sense, you trust. Or when things don’t make sense but still going your way, you trust.
I think it tests your resolve, too. Will you wait? Will you endure? Will you overcome the criticisms, the disdain, the embarrassment, humiliation, the shame, the loneliness, the disappointment? Are you able to stand even if you have nothing to show for your trust?
When you know, and you believe that nothing is impossible for God; that in one moment He can change everything, this burden becomes even heavier to bear at times, because it really could be that easy, yet it’s you who is enduring the unpleasant side of trusting. You trust, and nothing is happening. You trust, and nothing is working out. You trust, and the load gets heavier. You trust, and every door is shutting in your face. You trust, yet the voices of mockery and shame continue to echo around you. You trust, and your enemies are still roaming carefree in the land of the living.
But there is a verse in the Bible that says, “Now there was a long war between the house of Saul and the house of David: but David waxed greater and greater, and the house of Saul waxed weaker and weaker” (2 Samuel 3:1).
There is a long war between you and the force(s) fighting you and your greatness. Only the strong will wax greater and greater to possess their possessions. Some give up and disinherit themselves, because waxing greater and greater takes commitment, takes fortitude, takes vision, takes patience, takes endurance. It’s gradual. There are days of weeping. Days of frustration. Days of betrayal to endure. Days of losses to endure. Days of doubt to overcome, days of wins to celebrate, days of your faith being tried. Territory is being lost. Territory is being gained, but if you’re on the right side of the war, you’ll overcome your enemies.
A long war requires endurance, perseverance, obedience, strength, hope; it requires tenacity; you need that grit that says I am fighting until the end. And when you are fighting in God, you need to trust that you have won, even as you are fighting to see that victory become tangible. Being engaged in a long battle without signs of an end is not evidence of His lack of faithfulness. But if you stay in Him, those years will reveal that He was gradually shifting you into your inheritance, into your place of power. Those years will reveal that you were waxing greater and greater, as the house of your enemy was waxing weaker and weaker.
If you persevere, will you not arise as a person who is fierce in battle?
But if you’re always giving in to pressure, buckling at every spark, every flame, every fire that is thrown your way, you will never become the powerful instrument God is building to destroy certain things or to build certain things. A house is not built with any kind of wood or with any type of brick. Certain materials are required, as they can withstand certain temperatures or pressures than others. The same goes for you. You must be structurally sound; any weakness, and with time, you’ll collapse.
If God is building you, trust him. Allow yourself to be chiseled, refined, moulded, pressed, crushed. Allow yourself to be built up. A lot of us want to be in well-built, well-furnished homes, comfortable, safe, inviting. You, yourself are the temple of God. How much more glorious should you be than the earthly places that you are living in?
All this to say: trusting God is a decision that you ought to make soberly, and be willing to overcome emotionally. It’s a decision that will never be in vain. We need God because the enemies surrounding us never cease in their wickedness. Like the Kdrama I mentioned earlier, we need a helper to help us uncover the truth in darkness, and help us stand and fight against our enemies, spiritually and physically. We need to trust God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to be that help. Because when you get to a place of trust, you become unafraid of storms, unafraid of people, unafraid of their deception or manipulation, or opinions. You are not afraid of slander or gossip. You are not afraid of disdain. You are not afraid of harm. You are not afraid of time passing, nor of waiting. When you trust God, you are not afraid of anyone ganging up against you. Those people need other people to feel [or be powerful] but you only need God. There’s no contest. They lost long before they came in agreement against you.
So, be still. Trust God, and trust Him wholeheartedly. You will stand as a well-fortified city, and you’ll bring all your enemies, and all those who gathered against you, to ruin.
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