Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.
Psalm 141:3
There are people that when you share your blessing, rather than saying congratulations, will tell you that they would’ve made an opposite decision, as though you asked for their opinion. This recently happened to me, and I smiled, and chose to remain quiet. I wasn’t angry, but I was glad that this person expressed this opinion. I don’t hold this person’s opinion in any regard, but I want to use this moment to explore my thoughts on it.
First off, we always hear how one has to be careful because people get jealous and are not happy for others. But I think one has to be careful regardless. Some people are good at saying the right words when their heart is not with you. And I don’t necessarily think it makes one evil. Everyone is in a different season. Some people wait long for what others don’t have to wait on. Jealousy is a dangerous emotion because it can lead a person to destroy the other person—whether in actions or words. I don’t know if any of us can ever be free from jealousy, but I think what we do with it is what’s the most important: do you master it or do you allow it to destroy you and the object of your jealousy?
So, what’s a girl to do when she’s soaring on clouds but there are birds of prey lurking nearby?
Guarding one’s heart. Isn’t it interesting there are people who deliberately [or carelessly] cause you to lose confidence over something that you are proud of? Their unsolicited advice feels more like a carefully placed scalpel over your happy news, meticulously slicing through your joy and confidence until it’s utterly destroyed. You can’t always anticipate a person’s response, and it’s not to say assume the worst in people, but decide how you feel about your news before sharing it. If you’re unsure of the good thing(s) in your life, you’re vulnerable to anyone’s scorn. Some people don’t want to see you happy. Other times it’s jealousy disguised as advice. All the time it’s a work of darkness that you must guard against.
Afterall, people are not always what they seem. And a situation is not always what it seems. Words are not always what they seem. As I said, there is advice that seems well meaning, but it’s inherently evil. When Peter rebuked Jesus for saying that he would die, Jesus recognized it as the voice of Satan, and countered, saying: “Get thee behind me, Satan. You’re an offense to me. For you savour not the things that be of God, but those that be of men” (Matt16:23). There’s a proverb that says “there’s a way that seems right to a man, but the end of it is death” (Proverbs14:12). And we have to consider, if God has said something, what comes off as “well-meaning” from others is not what it appears to be. The devil does not savour the things of God. He is an offense, and seeks to offend, and to destroy.
Discernment needs to be sharp within us. For a path to appear right, means that the right way and the wrong way look identical. Words that seem well-meaning may actually be evil. Such words sound supportive, reasonable, logical, sensible, but their purpose is to disinherit you. It may seem like “common sense” but it leads to the death of your dream, of your joy, of your hope, of your faith, of your God-given blessing, if you don’t take care. We need discernment.
Admittedly, an unsolicited opinion doesn’t always equal to jealousy or bad intentions. But until your discernment is sharp that you can accurately determine a bad intention and careless words, it’s best to be careful about the information that you share and with whom. The same way that one moment you can speak with the faith of Abraham, and the next you’re doubting Thomas, sometimes we’re victims to our emotions. We open doors to evil thoughts and words; some more than others.
All in all, if I consider my response to this person, I was nicer than I should have been. It’s not that I was afraid to be curt with him, but in the moment, I didn’t feel wronged or upset. I felt free from the bondage of needing approval or affirmation, or acknowledgement. I felt grateful that that moment reminded me that people are not always what they seem, and not to let my guard down. And as I write this, I’m reminded that when you receive a blessing, the blessing stands, regardless of any opinion, positive or negative. It wasn’t a group project when God packaged it for you, so don’t let any opinion destroy it. Guard your God-given blessings, and you’ll put to shame all those whose mouths are too wide, and whose tongues are too loose.
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