“To change ourselves effectively, we first had to change our perceptions.” ― Stephen R. Covey
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I’m marvelling how someone who has “known” me for a short time, can offer insights into my weaknesses. I think that I have great insight into myself, but it’s always a marvel when another person has understanding into the blind spots that I’m unaware of.
One thing that I’m trying to do a little more is ask for help. My language learning courses have felt more like an emotional journey than anything. Part of me feels as though I’ve hit a plateau, a sort of wall that I’ve been attempting to push through to, in my opinion, no avail.
Today, I asked my tutor what she thinks my problem is.
It’s interesting that we even begun this conversation, because I’d come to class prepared for our lesson, but she began asking me to describe my routine, and for whatever reason my mind drew a blank. I couldn’t think, and to search for a verb or word was proving difficult. And my frustration begun settling in once more.
After all was said and done, I asked her what she thought my issue was. And she offered an insight that I’ve received from another tutor.
I can understand a concept when I learn it quite often; but applying it consistently is a challenge that, for a moment I can bypass, but along the road the same concept arises and I feel stuck again. And I’m rushing to reach a destination but I’m not well equipped for it.
At the same time, the fear of making mistakes, of not sounding how I think I ought to, comparing my day 1 with someone who is already fluent are stumbling blocks to myself. Yes, my expectations are high, and I have a goal to advance my level, but as my supervisor once said to me in the early days of my job training: “your expectations are too high. You want too much and it’s unrealistic right now.” The goals itself isn’t impossible, but there are steps that must be taken to achieve it. And I will. Because I have done so before in other endeavors.
I have high expectations for myself, for sure. But today has made me realize that I ought to slow down a bit. Remember the gems that I’ve been given and apply them. Remember the times that I thought I couldn’t do it, and I achieved my goal. Remember the times when something was hard, but because I stuck to it, I have a good reward for my efforts. And this era of dropping things when it gets too hard, or confusing, or there’s push-back to our comfort is a poison that I haven’t escaped. And as insidious as it has been, I must purge myself of it, and not succumb to its venom.
In any case, it has made me think of how I learn, how I work, how I live.
Something isn’t any less worthwhile just because it is challenging, or it challenges my comfort. Not only that, sometimes it isn’t necessarily that I don’t know what I’m doing, but there are weaker muscles that need to be developed. Self-reliance can become a trap door that limits advancement, blocks opportunity and restricts perspective. I don’t lose anything by changing, by trying something new, by letting go of a comfort. I open myself up to a new way of doing things, to help make the process fruitful and enjoyable.
The same way that we often should not get familiar with people and take them for granted, we ought not to take for granted who we are. We are carriers of the breath of God; certainly, we are all capable of incredible feats.
But sincerely, I love learning languages. I’m not deeply invested in any one culture per se, but it feels like I’m unearthing an intriguing part of myself and there’s a hidden treasure that is on the other side of this.
My take away from the discussion is this:
Stay with one thing until you understand. It’s easy to think you know, or have an idea, but learn to stay with a problem until you find the solution. It’s not that the concepts are hard to understand; but you haven’t exhausted all possible methods to get to the solution. Because there’s always a solution. Nothing is hard. There are people who have also figured it out, but if we are so quick to move on to the next thing, one cannot be complete in their understanding.
It’s been eye-opening for me.
Overall, it seems that everything that I start always lifts a mirror to my weaknesses. Each experience always feels new but I’m realizing that perhaps my comfort in feeling inadequate in certain things has grown into a second skin that I have to shed and put away. I’m re-learning each time that it’s not that I am incapable at this particular language; but that I need to put in the time, and like a child, take one step at a time, allowing the times that I fall to not cause me to despair, but to crawl if I need to until I am ready to get back up and attempt walking again.
