Put on your strength, O Zion;
Put on your beautiful garments,
O Jerusalem, the holy city!
For the uncircumcised and the unclean Shall no longer come to you.
Shake yourself from the dust, arise;
Sit down, O Jerusalem!
Loose yourself from the bonds of your neck,
O captive daughter of Zion!
| Isaiah 52:1-2 |
**
Make a decision.
We have been talking about the importance of renewing one’s mind during bible study and I’ve sat under the awning of this word for some weeks, churning it in my mind. But it’s just now that it finally clicked.
I recently told a friend that this year has to be different for us and the work that we have to do. I believe one of the challenges we face in this walk is being strong and courageous. Fear, doubt, distraction have been paralyzing; and for a long while the jerking motions of starting and stopping things have coloured our lives.
But the work still has to get done. And at some point, the rope that is holding one back has to be cut off. And you have to make a decision that that you won’t be held bound. And after making that decision, you pray that God empowers your desire to commit, to accomplish.
God has placed several things in my care for accomplishment this year. I began with excitement before the year began, but doubt began bombarding my mind as to whether I had the capacity to accomplish all.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
I said this to myself yesterday. But after bible study I decided that these words couldn’t just be words to encourage myself. These words have to be a fire, a sword, a seed, a revelation. These words have to be a fire to burn away the string holding me bound. They have to put to death everything that I’ve been clinging to that’s holding me back. They have to increase my capacity and reveal the power of Jesus in me. These words have to make strong a weak part of my mind that doubt keeps exploiting.
Sincerely, I’m learning that you can live your life thinking you’re free whilst you’re a prisoner of some sort. And I’m not talking about the obvious sins and actions that we think of when we talk about bondage. It’s the seemingly harmless thoughts, behaviours, beliefs that give a false sense of liberty and control, causing you to go against the very goals and aspirations you have set. It’s why we ought to renew our mind with the word, so we discern those thoughts, feelings/emotions that are seemingly harmless, justified, and rational yet are venomous to our future.
All this to say, doubt has been creeping up, whispering of my overly ambitious goals, highlighting that I have taken on too much, that I ought to drop some things. These thoughts bothered me. I found myself asking if indeed I had taken on too much.
When I prayed about it, I discovered something:
You know, fear is a vicious spirit. I know often when we are fearful to start something or do something, or go somewhere, we tell ourselves (and others) that they should just do it, and the fear goes away. And it’s true. Sometimes you learn to do the work despite the fear. But there’s a fear that not only makes you afraid of what is around the corner, but poisons possibility; it decides the worst result without ever making an attempt; it destroys without ever building anything; it decides the very future that it itself doesn’t know, and manipulates you based on what you know, what you feel, what you see. And it doesn’t stop there. It rages to kill your esteem, your capabilities; it makes you give up. It ensures that your vision dies – by your hands. And your future dies, by your hands. Because when it’s said and done, it’s you who made the choice not to try, not to believe. But it’s the spirit that manipulated you; convinced you of previous failures and discouraged your attempt. In your heart you know that you do not want what you have settled for, but you convince yourself it is well. Your pain and your failures add fuel to you unconsciously destroying your future.
Without a doubt, I want my vision for this year to come to pass. So, I asked myself what I need to change.
I decided that this time won’t be like last time, or like any other time. This time I will guard what has been entrusted to me; this time I will be confident in what I am doing; this time I will soberly and fully be present; not with one foot in and one foot out “just in case.” I won’t give myself room to consider failing. If failure comes, it won’t be by my feelings, emotions, or thoughts. I will faithfully execute my duties without being a stumbling block to myself. I’m committed to changing my thoughts, to pivoting, to adjusting, to focus, to do what I need to do to cultivate and work on this garden.
I’m willing to be brave where I have been afraid. I’m willing to learn and to commit where I’ve been ignorant and made excuse. I’m willing to exercise the boldness that I had laid aside. I’m willing to go against the current, if that is where the Spirit of God is leading me. And I’m willing to humble myself to flow spiritually.
I’m willing to get to the depths of the full measure --the breadth-- of Christ’s strength.
All in all, regardless of the cost, I’m willing.
