May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. - Nelson Mandela
I’ve been thinking about the choices we make in life. And I think that although we know that we cannot always reverse a decision, sometimes we can change things along the way, if not, change our attitude at least.
Recently, I thought of a former co-worker of mine, an older white lady, married with 2 kids, who shared that she grew up in an abusive home. Her mother was physically/emotionally abusive and neglectful. She had an incredibly tough childhood. In any case, I don’t remember why this subject came up at that time, but what has stuck with me to this day, is what she said. She said that she chose to do things differently with her family; she decided that she would not do to her kids what was done to her by her
mother. She made a point to say that she did not believe that we have to remain victims of our childhood or repeat what was done to us.
She could have spent her life saying these words and not doing anything to achieve her goal to be different. She could have spent years making declarations, but rinsing and repeating actions that didn’t align with her words. There are people like her, who could only exercise that choice to change their lives once they were old enough to leave their homes. Evidently, a change in environment doesn’t change the damage that remains inside. But she made a choice to change.
What I didn’t fully comprehend is that the narrative inside you propels your outward actions. The belief you hold about yourself, and your circumstances determine the actions that you take; it’s imperative that you renew your mind with the right belief system; you must surrender actions that are unhealthy and unhelpful to where you want to go.
It’s easy to find ways in which others’ choices have let you down. But in my weeks of reflection, I’ve come to realize that it behooves me to make healthy, empowering decisions that propel me to my God-given assignment. And I must make these choices soberly, not in fear of repeating the past. I think every action ought to be made in liberty, because you are breaking the chains that have held you bound. But if you are making choices with a deep fear of not repeating the past, I sincerely believe you’ll manifest that fear one way or another. Also, as an adult what excuse do you have? You can blame every person, place or thing that let you down, but if you want things to be different you have to commit to change. Unfortunately, we can’t undo actions that cause us emotional/physical/financial harm. Often, we have to mend what we didn’t break, and rebuild what we didn’t tear down. But it becomes our responsibility if we are to have any semblance of peace or hope for better.
This woman’s words have never left me. She wasn’t Christian as far as I know, but her words planted a seed that was watered in various ways throughout the years. And my hope is that I will not resign myself to repeat past errors, but I’ll be brave and bold enough to make decisions that transform my life for better.
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