So, what’s up? How have been the first couple of weeks of the new year been? They’ve been good. I got a new job. It’s an interesting transition and I’m happy about it. I feel it’ll allow me more freedom but we’ll see to what extent. I’m happy to be turning 30. I had all these plans, but I’ve had to temper them, but I’m not disappointed. I feel like I’m going to be celebrating all year, in small or big ways, who knows. Celebrating myself more, I mean. I take life for granted sometimes, but it often feels overwhelming because I feel I should be doing more but I don’t know what. Well, I know, but sometimes it just feels as though I don’t know anything. In any case, I think I have to catch myself from slipping down those rabbit holes. It’s sort of like my new position. There are things that are familiar and I know them well, but I have to learn something new again. And be confident that I will be good at it. Once upon a time I doubted I’d be able to do the last job, and I did better than I expected. And I’ll do even better this time too. And that’s what I expect of myself this year and the remainder of this month and each month: Expect to do better, and push myself to do better.
And that’s all you can do, right? Push yourself to do better. And do your best to catch yourself from falling into unhelpful thoughts and patterns, those rabbit holes that lead to nowhere. In doing this, I want to cultivate joy, and discipline; and have liberty where doubt and fear sought to imprison. And prioritize doing things that bring me joy. Sacrifice some things for a little ooh la la, ya know?
I’m happy to have travelled to visit my cousin this month. I enjoyed the relaxation. And the downtime. And driving that familiar 3 hour drive to the city that I love. I swear, Calgary is an old lover that, just when I think I’m over it, there’s something that makes me long for it again. But Edmonton now feels like a place I can trust; Calgary, like the place that makes promises that it won’t keep. It’s a strange way to think of these two places, but these are just sentimental drivels. In any case, I cultivated some joy this month and I’m glad.
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