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Hi, my name is Chenai Mbanga! Welcome to my blog! I write to encourage, inspire and empower you in growing in your spiritual life through reflections and prose. I have been writing on this blog for 5 years now, and it has been a journey! Join me as I continue my journey toward self-actualizing.❤

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Showing posts from 2022

Latest Posts

Cold Snap

The air is still.  It’s as though nature is afraid to move lest it injures itself on the sharp edge of winter’s teeth. My body is tense, my shoulders are hunched even though my winter coat and boots are keeping me warm. I feel the sharp caress of winter on my face. My face feels numb, and for a moment I wonder if my…

Tomorrow

Your past pain is not a permanent prophecy.   Your heart's fate isn't written in the scars. ―   John Mark Green ** *   Tomorrow the grown-ups will laugh like they didn’t just finish poisoning you the night before. You’re forever choking on poison from many nights much like this one. But you learn to swallo…

Get Busy Living

" Very truly I tell you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be judged but has crossed over from death to life " /John 5:24\ ** My girls and I recorded a  podcast on death , and I stated that I don’t believe that I’ll die, that I’ll live forever. I believe that …

Sublime

Sublime : o f such excellence, grandeur, or beauty as to inspire great admiration or awe     **       What did you see in me, that of all the common adjectives that one uses to compliment a stranger, your heart to your lips uttered this word to describe me:  sublime . It’s a compliment of high order and one t…

Exit Wounds

It’s interesting the insidious way in which distrust creeps into your heart, and nestles therein. How it floats unseen as air and just as weightless, and divides you asunder.  So, when these actions—the mistrust, the annoyance, the discomfort came, I couldn’t understand the root. I gave it a different source, but it…

Getting It Together

Come on now, we’re going to go build a mirror factory first and put out nothing but mirrors for the next year and take a long look in them.   [Fahrenheit 451-Ray Bradbury] . ** . It has been a while.     I don’t know if I’d say there’s a lot that is happening, but I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t anything happening…

A Memory

You shrink yourself, make yourself smaller in order to make someone comfortable. You think that you don't deserve good things--to be treated well, with love, devotion, and respect. I hear it in your voice when you speak. Even when you speak bravely, there is always an undertone of unworthiness in your speech. I wi…

Reach For The Moon

The  future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”— Eleanor Roosevelt . That life that you used to dream of, do you still think it’s possible? Where you are right now, with all the things that have happened, do you still believe it’s achievable? Are you still taking steps to make it happen? Eve…

Connections

" Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so ?" |Amos 3:3| ** Connect to the people who speak the same language as you. Connect to people who believe in your vision and your goal. Connect with people who see the fruition of that goal. Connect with people who will encourage you to keep going; who…

Revelations

" Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” – Carl Jung I am going to leave you.     I have wanted to leave you so many times, and even when I left it’s as though you made sure the road ahead would be a dead end so that I had no other choice but to come back to you…

Back to Basics

** This world is very strange, and these spaces that we occupy within it are interesting. As much as we talk about being our authentic self, I don’t think we ever are.  I mean, not in every space at least. I am not speaking for everyone, and it isn’t true all the time. What is authentic? Something real, true, what peo…

On Choices

pic via @mybeautifulafrica_ May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. - Nelson Mandela I’ve been thinking about the choices we make in life. And  I think that although we know that we cannot always reverse a decision, sometimes we can change things along the way, if not, change our attitude at least.  Rec…

Running the Race

I’m in a strange place with my writing. I’m in a strange place now because I’ve written so much about how I’ve been striving to overcome myself, my doubts, and all these things that have been getting in my way. But it’s not like that any longer. It’s not that I am struggling, but my head’s out of the fog; I can say th…

Liberty

I want to live a life that is more than just checking off boxes of my accomplishments. I mean, checking off those boxes gives a sense of accomplishment and progress, so it’s not wholly a terrible thing. But I don’t want that to be it. Because I don’t want to end up looking at my list and saying “Is that it?” I want to…

Reminder

I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.(JER31:3 ESV)   You are loved, were loved, long before you understood what love is.  You were wanted long before you were abandoned.  There was a love that stood up for you, long before you were let down.   *

Gratus

I am grateful for my work. I am grateful for my life. I am expectant of my tomorrow, and encouraging myself to be content with today. I am demanding more from myself, and learning to meet those demands. I am giving myself grace, and giving myself praise where it is due. I am changing my cannot to can; I am believing G…

New Year Sentiments

The past few weeks I’ve been avoiding my blog. Avoiding putting words to paper;  avoiding journaling even. And my avoidance has led me to be trapped in my thoughts, both good and bad, and I was beginning to be my own enemy. The doubt I felt I was daily overpowering was beginning to overpower me. And only no…

More than Enough

I feel doubt creeping in. But I see myself challenging that doubt. I tell myself, “It’s ok. Stop comparing. Stop doubting yourself. You can do this.” I notice my heart racing. I feel the blood rushing to my head, and it’s like there’s a crowd outside an invisible gate and I feel them fighting to break it down to get…