"If you can't change it, change your attitude." [Maya Angelou]
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I was thinking to myself yesterday that things really are shifting. My relationships are changing, and the way the changes are happening is just as peculiar. I don’t think I’ve ever been one for overdramatic uncouplings. But these quiet, uneventful separations are unceremonious and comical to me. Because I understand. There’s no need for words and explanations and justifications and “this is my truth” pontification. It's comical because it's not what I expected, but it’s bittersweet; whatever expectations I held are crumbling and becoming dust in the wind.
Once upon a time I would’ve imagined myself devastated and shocked at the prospect of these things taking place. But I feel as though I am standing outside a house, watching through a window everything that’s taking place. I’m an observer. I don’t feel involved. It is as though something inside of me knew this would happen and spared me the emotional rollercoaster of it.
But change is good. It’s neither good nor bad these things that are occurring. It’s ok to outgrow people, it’s ok for people to outgrow you. It’s ok if you no longer fit into someone’s life, or if there’s no room being made for you, or you can’t make room for someone or some people. Life pulls people in different directions all the time. Sometimes you can go with each other, sometimes you can survive the differences and adjust and change together, and sometimes someone may feel they no longer want you on that journey with them, even if you’re willing to change to join them.And to be honest, sometimes things are seasonal. Perhaps what is true in this season, won't be true in the next.
I’m learning that it’s ok if I am left. I am learning it’s ok to also leave. I am learning to not cling to the past and the joys it held. I am learning to guard my emotions. I’m learning to open myself to ask for what I need for the journey ahead. And to see as sufficient what I currently have.
I felt a change a few months ago. And I perceive even more is coming.
