“And those who know your name put
their trust in you,
for you, O LORD, have not forsaken
those who seek you.”
-Psalm 9:10
As I am getting older, and digging into my relationship with God, I realize that I conditioned my heart to cling to the idea that only good happens to those who seek God and pray, and then bad happens because you are being punished for a lack of doing good. But it’s not like that. It’s not that simple because many times I have found myself doing wrong even when hours before I condemned that very wrong I ended up doing. In His mercy, He still did good towards me.
And I am seeing, at least in my own life, fear has manifested faster than the blessings that I have prayed for. And evil seems more prominent than good. I have to war for the good to come. What was so easy for some to get, took me years. And it has messed with my mind mentally because I pray, have prayed, been praying, and I end up feeling that it avails nothing because how come things look the way they do for me? One thing I realize is that I cannot hold wisdom and foolishness at the same time: building with one hand, while tearing down with the other. Holding both faith and fear. Doubt and belief.
I must not be subdued by things that I have power over, for greater is He in me, than he that is in the world. And I must show that statement to be true as I continue to conquer all the mountains before me, in faith for the glory before me. I may not have perfect, but I can no longer wait for perfect. There is no perfect, there is only he/she who is willing. This is not the era or the time to be fearful. Time is of the essence. The most precious commodity that I hold is time. And as God’s time nears, it is more urgent than ever that the wall of darkness be broken, and the word of God goes forth to all nations of the Earth. No longer must I be fearful or uncertain, because time is of the essence. I don’t want to be found lacking. I must not be found wanting.
And the state of my heart? There has been a lot of spring cleaning, daily cleansing through reading my word, and consistent praying, and changing my mindset, speaking faith and not fear, and a lot more doing than fearful rationalizing. I’m trusting God more and more, and becoming bolder in my requests of Him, even as I submit them to Him. And believing. Believing for the salvation of those that I love, for my nation, for a love that mirrors His, for an overflow of joy in all things.
“For you are my rock and my fortress; and for your name’s sake you lead me and guide me; you take me out of the net they have hidden for me, for you are my refuge. Into your hand I commit my spirit; you have redeemed me, O Lord, faithful God.”
Psalm 31: 3-5
