After
weeks of avoiding You, I finally lay down in my bed, and opened your Word, half
of me suggesting that I close it, but another telling me to be brave. Yes, I
was afraid. I know I shouldn’t have separated myself for this long, but life,
you know? I flipped through the pages, hoping a psalms would help soothe my fear,
but David’s worship of You seemed hypocritical on my lips, so I sought a
proverb instead. My heart eased at the rebuke of King Solomon’s words of those
who reject wisdom, and how their end is calamitous. My fear dissipated,
to be replaced by the comprehension of how far I’d strayed. Yet I couldn’t help
but ask: how can I not stray? For how long can I wait on you? Life goes on!
Sighing,
I found myself in Exodus 32, the last scripture I’d read. You prompted me to
read it again. I read it twice and couldn’t help but laugh. The Israelites’
impatience led to the sin of idolatry, and that sin led to the death of
thousands in the camp. I’ve never appreciated the gravity of idolatry; how, because of it, you
were ready to destroy your Beloved for creating a golden calf and exalting it
above You. Yes, it was arrogant that they gave the work of their hands credit
for rescuing them from Pharaoh. How they danced and celebrated, so proud and
self-important they were.
I suppose I have been doing the same thing in
my impatience, replacing You with the work of my hands and the pleasures of
life. I criticize a world that exchanges your Truth for a lie, worshipping and
serving the creature rather than the Creator, yet I do the same in my own life:
choosing the world instead of separating myself as the Levites did when Moses
asked who was on Your side. It’s so easy to point at the hypocrisy of others,
yet turning a blind eye to my own. There are a myriad of things vying for my
attention, and it often feels as though you don’t hear or are not in a rush to answer, so
the work of my hands become my pleasure; the progress from my efforts lead me to
sacrifice in their honour. Indeed, will I ever escape that never-ending blame
game that keeps all of us from taking responsibility for causing our own
destruction? Undoubtedly, the cares of this life are a smokescreen that blind
me from perceiving my descent from Your Kingdom. You were swift with judgement
and rebuke once-upon a time, putting to death those who dabbled in any and all
abominations. It has become easy to be lazy.
But how
wonderful, and glorious is your mercy! Your wrath is assuaged by Your Son, who
intercedes on my behalf daily; my gratitude will never be enough. He brings me
to know wisdom; He admonishes me so that I grow in understanding, and with this
lesson I can work on my salvation in remembrance of the Cross; heeding the
lesson of a people whose feet were swift to walk to their death even after you
promised them a glorious end.
Proverbs 1: 20-33 (NIV):
"Out in the open wisdom calls aloud,
she raises her voice in the public square; on top of the wall she cries out, at
the city gate she makes her speech: "How long will you who are simple love
your simple ways? How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate
knowledge? Repent at my rebuke! Then I will pour out my thoughts to you, I will
make known to you my teachings! But since you refuse to listen when I call and
no one pays attention when I stretch out my hand, since you disregard all my
advice and do not accept my rebuke, I in turn will laugh when disaster strikes
you; I will mock when calamity overtakes you--when calamity overtakes you like
a storm, when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind, when distress and
trouble overwhelm you. Then they will call out to me but I will not answer;
they will look for me but will not find me, since they hated knowledge and did
not choose to fear the Lord. Since they would not accept my advice and spurned
my rebuke, they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the
fruit of their schemes. For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and
the complacency of fools will destroy them; but whoever listens to me will live
in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm."
